You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
