Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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