if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
