fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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