Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
