Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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