okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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