yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize