things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
