Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
