before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize