I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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