Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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