The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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