oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize