There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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