Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Randomize
