I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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