nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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