i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
