I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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