I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
