My room smells like vodka and shame
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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