I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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