sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
