We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
