I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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