Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
