; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
