I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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