Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
