i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
