I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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