That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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