I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
