Whod you bang
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
