I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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