he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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