3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He did a backflip because drugs
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
