hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
