i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
