Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize