u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
