Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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