I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My life is pants optional.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
