I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
