You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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