Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
