I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
