what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize