it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
