you guys were way drunker than both of me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
