Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
