She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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