i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
