i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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