That's intense
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
