at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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