pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize