Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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