I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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