wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
