dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
