I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
