she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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