Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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