having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
