I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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