all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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